Getting better post 24/06

So, this is something I’vewanted to talk about with someone and again feel lost, alone and don’tknow who to talk to so why not write a blog on my blog website that no one reads, haha woo…

Anyways, about a month ago I was talking about how I am sad and I don’t know why. Their response and I quote,’ wow, this is so draining.’…… so yea, I was pretty gobbsmached, speechless, I really don’t know. HURT. Backstabbed, lonely.. you name it.

After some thinking, I realised that it would be draining. and I don’t blame them anymore. I have known this friend for years, and have always turned to them for help. So I completely agree, it’s so draining.It’s soooo draining for myself, let alone everyone I’m involving in my own nightmare. So I have now desided to shut up. Not tell my friends or family anything any more keeping everything to myself. So more darker days are getting darker. BUT my brighter days are getting a little less gloomy. But it’s funny, me not talking about my issues has put a strain on my friendship now.

I’ve been trying to get happy and maybe cutting this friend off will be better for them, better for the person I love. It was selfish to tell people my issues all the time. So so selfish. The people I love deserve so much better. So so so much better. Time to hold everything in, and sort it out instead of spilling it onto the people I love and effecting them. The people I love deserve more then the negativity that I give out, that I feel about life.

My feelings aren’t the only ones that matter.

I guess that is the biggest thing about getting better. Getting darker but I get through it.

I’m so, so sorry to all my friends, family and loved ones. You all deserve so much better. I will get better. I love you.

Thank you for reading.

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