Self hate

Lately I’ve been so consumed by self hate. I don’t know what to do.

I just hate the fact that I can’t stick to something, anything. I hate that I don’t have hobbies, or am good at saving money. I hate that I’m not good. I hate that I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing with my life, or that anything I do in my life I’ll have to work so fucking hard for because I have no luck. I hate that I’m so lame, not funny and am so fucking boring. I hate I honestly don’t know who I am or what I want or what I want to be. I hate that when I get ideas, I get way to excited and then realise I can’t do it and get sad, I hate that I try so hard to be a good person but I’m not good. I hate that I feel no one likes me. I’m not good, I’m not anything. I hate that I spend way to much money on bullshit, I hate that I’m so unlucky and always get shit on. I hate that I like gambling, I hate that I can never fucking walk away. I hate that I’m so fucking alone all the time, hanging out with friends only makes me feel less significant, less wanted. I hate that I put so much pressure on myself but I have to. What am I doing with my life?!?! I hate that I try and get better but I just get worse. I hate that I’m way to awkward and can’t make friends or keep them. I hate that I try way to hard with people who don’t care and not enough with people who I care about. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. 

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