Thoughts: 8/4/17

I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.

I honestly do not know what I’m doing with ANY aspect of my life.

This is super frustrating and upsetting.

I suffer from anxiety and depression. But I know everyone does to some extent. 

I honestly don’t even know where this post is going tbh..

One of the biggest worries right now, is that no one likes me. People are so fake, how can you really ever know. They can say they love you, but what are their real thoughts? Something I’ve always struggled with is being liked. I honestly just want to be liked by everyone. Why? I don’t know.. Really couldn’t tell you. I just try, I try really hard to be the best person I can possibly be. But what if I’m just super anoying or someone has taken it the wrong way or someone thinks I’m a bitch. I mean I know I can’t possibly be liked by everyone, it’s  impossible. 

I feel alone a lot because of this thought. Abbys is great, I know she loves me. But people are weird, life is weird. Anyone in your life can up and leave at any point, because they don’t love you anymore or they are mad at you, or they are just busy and don’t have time for you. But they are everything to you. You’re left with nothing.

Friends.. What’s that? I honestly feel like I don’t have any. Lately, I feel like going out, getting darled up and getting a drink with a friend and get a bit to drunk and talk deep and know I won’t be judged or be blackmailed or everything said will just stay between us two, but no one comes to mind. No shots fired to any of my friends. I love you all. 

Abby of course is my best friend but sometimes, like any relationship, I just want to go out with friends. But like I said, who? 

I feel like everyone judges me. I’m a bit of a dick head. I’m telling you that now. 110% dick head right here. By that I mean, like silly and I say dumb shit and regret it instantly. Not saying this for attention but I honestly really hate myself. I could be prettier or smarter or a better person. But I’m not. I make dumb decisions and can’t control my emotions sometimes. 

Hopefully one day I can learn it’s ok not to be liked, and learn how to self love.

Sorry about this random post. Lol, just I needed to get stuff off my chest!

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